Mark your calendars! If you are a middle class, white man that is.

Did you know that July 16^th just passed was World Snake Day? Neither did I, I don’t think anyone did. It got me thinking though, and when I looked up international holidays I realised that I barely know a tenth of the holidays that occur each year. Some of the ideas are absolutely stupid too, because not only is there a World Snake Day, there is a World Animal Day, a World Farm Animals Day, and days for turtles, frogs, penguins and lizards. Why aren’t these all covered under World Animal Day? It had me raging for some reason, and it also made me realise that if I want to start an internationally renowned holiday (and I just realised that I do), then I’m going to have to do it soon, before all the days are given over to stupid, repetitive themes that no one even acknowledges. 

A day dedicated to AIDS? Slag off!

These are some of the holidays that are already on the calendar that you may or may not have heard of: 

·         Jan 30 World Leprosy Day

·         Mar 08 International Women’s Day

·         Mar 21 World Down Syndrome Day

·         May 21 World Day for Cultural Diversity

·         May 24 World Schizophrenia Day

·         Jun 16 International Day of the African Child

·         Jun 20 World Refugee Day

·         Aug 09 International Day of the World’s Indigenous People

·         Aug 13 International Lefthanders Day

·         Aug 23 International Day for the Remembrance of the Slave Trade & its Abolition

·         Oct 17 International Day for the Eradication of Poverty

·         Nov 25 International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women

·         Dec 02 International Day for the Abolition of Slavery

Here at Kradz Newz we are all about interracial buddy comedies.

You know why this list annoys me? Because it has no representation whatsoever for those people who aren’t a minority, or disadvantaged in an obvious and widespread fashion. These days are all directed towards making people feel guilty, and I would be more than willing to do that if it meant that I would get the same appreciation once my day rolls around, but that never happens because I am not considered deserving of one. Middle class, right handed white people can’t gather together without causing an uproar, but if any other portion of society chooses to, then you are racist if you have an objection to it. This double standard bothers me in a big way, and I don’t want to be made guilty for being lucky in life. Therefore I have decided to name August 5^th - World middle class, right handed, non leper, white male day.

This is not us. It is just here to illustrate what we are not. NOT racist.

 

This day is not an excuse to gather and bash minorities, but rather to have some good clean, guilt free fun. The day should be dedicated to such pursuits as trading on the stock market, wearing suits, telling leper jokes, and eating vanilla ice cream and plain, white bread. People of other classes and ethnicities are of course welcome, but they should remain composed at all times, and not to be seen having too much fun, as of course this is the one day where they have nothing to celebrate. 

Probably the whitest show ever made.

So everyone stock up on mid priced snacks and snuggle up to watch their favourite season of Mad Men/Arrested Development/Midsummer Murders, because your new favourite holiday is almost here!