REVIEW: Green Lantern [2011]

First off, I apologise for how nerdy this review may get in advance. I can't really help it, though. Up until a couple years ago I hadn't read comics since I was a small child, but then I picked up Watchmen and the ongoing Green Lantern series at the same time. It made me realise that I really do think comics are a great medium for storytelling, able to tell stories in their own particular way that can't be done in any other. Unfortunately, trying to shove all superheroes into the cookie-cutter template Hollywood has carved out for superhero films in the past decade is the exact reason why Green Lantern has fallen apart. I also plan to spoil the entire film too, so yeah, watch out for that.

Anyway, Ryan Reynolds plays Hal Jordan, a cocky airplane pilot who finds the crashed spaceship of the dying alien Abin Sur. It turns out Hal has been chosen to become a Green Lantern, a corps of intergalactic policemen with rings powered by the wearers willpower. A Green Lantern is able to construct from their rings whatever objects they can think of to fight crime. Opposing Hal in the film is Parallax, an entity born of pure yellow fear energy, and wishing to oppress all willpower and hope in the universe; as well as Hector Hammond, a scientist mutated and given psychic powers from the remnants of Parallax - which is what happens to have attacked Abin Sur's ship in the first place.

He also has a big mouldy head

Sounds like a decent film, yeah? Not when when you get down to it, though. Much like 'Fantastic Four' did (which was shit, for reference), rather than embrace how off the wall a film with a plot like that could be, 'Green Lantern' has a complete identity crisis and refuses to take part in the stranger sides of its mythology. Instead, it's happy to copy other superhero films that did well at the box office before it, and hope that it works out for the best.

"Iron Man was set all on Earth with lots of witty banter, and that sold great - let's copy that!" The result? Ryan Reynolds spends a ridiculous amount of time on Earth being Van Wilder and doing fuck all, plus accepts he's joined The Super Alien Police and can make whatever objects he wants with such apathy it's moronic. Every poster for the film with colourful aliens on them? They're in the film for at most 15 minutes, and a scene on the home planet of the Lanterns features hundreds of fully CGI'd aliens which are never seen again for the rest of the film. Hal recieves a ten minute crash course from Green Lanterns Sinestro and Kilowog, and suddenly he can fly perfectly and make any ring construct with no problem. Why not make the film hugely colourful and set the whole thing with massive CGI battles in space? Just because that hasn't been in a superhero film before doesn't mean people won't enjoy that: look at the boatloads of fat cash from Star Wars for God's sake!

"Spider-Man 2 had a disfigured freakish human for a villain, we should get one of those too!" Hector Hammond is a ridiculous choice for a villain for 'Green Lantern', acted terribly and clearly little to none of a threat for Ryan Reynolds whatsoever. Also, Hollywood's attempts to streamline years of Green Lantern comics for stupid Americans also creates a sick amount of plotholes that at a simple glance are noticeable to anyone. Why would Parallax break up the fight between Hal and Hector and kill him, an ally who he gave his powers to, and they both want Hal dead anyway? Why do the Green Lanterns decide to 'fight their enemy on its own terms', and create Yellow Lantern rings powered by fear (read; by Parallax)...to fight Parallax? I mean, that is so stupid. That's like putting out a fucking fire with petrol - how would that possibly work?! Rather than do the normal origin for yellow fear rings this tangent is nothing but a sloppily done setup for an easy sequel, which is stupid in itself. Why? Because Parallax is beaten and dies 10 minutes before the end of the film. So, when Sinestro turns into a Yellow Lantern villain after the credits, how the fuck does the yellow ring even turn on then!? It isn't powered by anything now!!

I DUNNO LOL

'Green Lantern' is an absolute mess. If anything this goes to show you lazily making a superhero origin film as your big summer blockbuster with no effort put into it isn't sustainable to keep making money. We had 4 alone this summer - how many can Hollywood churn out a year before all of them become nothing but tripe?